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  • Writer's pictureChristina Mariani

5 Reasons why being Self-Absorbed is a Good Thing

Updated: Jan 30, 2023

Do you find that "being self-absorbed" is often used interchangeably with the concept of selfishness? I am starting to perceive this as a linguistical error or oversight...

Self-absorption can be equally positive and beneficial to others, just the same as it can be detrimental, in the wrong hands. A true bad apple is a bad apple all around. There are many layers and variables to consider when it comes to dangerous personality types. Self-absorption alone is not the culprit, and by itself, it is completely benign. This is not a Spooky or red-flag character trait, as much as one might think.

I would like to argue that society would actually be better off if more people were "self- absorbed." Please read on for fair consideration prior to discounting this unusual perspective. Of course, there are many different strands of self-absorption to be considered here. My point is that not all of them are bad. In fact, there are many healthy ones...

5 Reasons why being Self-Absorbed is a Good Thing

Reason #1: You are less likely to be a "Karen."

Why? Because you are minding your own business, instead of being nosey and inappropriately inserting yourself into other people's personal matters.

Reason #2: You are less likely to be passive-aggressive, manipulative and resentful.

Why? Because you likely take full responsibility for your wants, needs, goals, successes, shortcomings and overall happiness.

Reason #3: You are more likely to be able to contribute to society in meaningful and productive ways.

Why? Because you are focused on your personal goals and your self-development & self-improvement processes. Instead of waiting on others to fix your problems or make you happy, you are building the life you want. You are working towards reaching a level of stability, in which you are able to contribute and give back to society in an intentional manner. You have invested in yourself, your career and your businesses and have obtained abundance, whether it be of time, money, wisdom, resources, connections, etc. You are not helpless, nor are you trapped in a victim-mentality mindset. You are empowered, and empowered people naturally seek to empower and serve others.

Reason #4: You may be more likely to secure healthy relationships and therefore less likely to contribute to the commonplace misfortune of passing down cycles of abuse, neglect, infidelity, and the related psychological ramifications that come with being raised in an unstable home environment filled with toxic relationships.

Why? Because if you are the type of person who puts yourself first, you are more likely have boundaries and standards for how you will be treated in a relationship. You will not settle for less out of desperation, loneliness or insecurity. This means you will maintain improved mental health and maintain the ability to better perform in every area of life because you are not weighed down, burnt out or distracted by the severe stresses that come with unhealthy, abusive, codependent, toxic relationships.

Reason #5: You are better positioned to identify and maximize your natural strengths, as well as discover your purposes and callings to serve others.

Why? It takes an advanced level of self-development, self-commitment self-care, self-improvement, self-love, self-study and self-awareness to achieve this greater level of self-realization and self-actualization. This high-level spiritual accomplishment requires many years or hours or of solitude, self-discovery and focus! A certain level of self-absorption or self-immersion is absolutely required here.

The old saying goes, you can't take care of anyone else until you take care of yourself.

Flight attendants are required to remind us to put our own oxygen mask on first, before trying to save others in an emergency.

We live in a very mentally and psychologically unhealthy society and we have done it to ourselves. We lack self-control and self-trust in making appropriate decisions in our daily human interactions, big and small.

Toxic relationships and various kinds of abuse are glorified in trending Netflix Series. We are addicted to drama, scandal, masochism and sadism for entertainment purposes and are completely unaware of the fragility of our subconscious minds and the neuroplasticity of our brains.

Desensitization has allowed us to adapt to and survive through the gravest of times and circumstances. However, in easier times, we recklessly entertain ourselves with the violence of horror and crime films from within the comfort and security of our modern day living; we leave the parental controls of our children's media exposures unrestricted, and then we act surprised when mass shootings, murder and rape are on the rise.

The bible says that "thou shall love thy neighbor as thy self." The problem here is that most of us don't love ourselves. So many unaware humans are walking around broken, full of self-hatred, self-loathing, self-resentment and insecurity, and then take it out on those around them, without even realizing it.

My proposed solution: More self-absorption, not less! Being disconnected from ourselves, our thoughts and our emotions, and deprivation of our wants and needs, leads to much more violence and despair than "self-absorption" ever did.

If we all spent more time working on ourselves, discovering and utilizing our natural born strengths and passions, the world would be much better off.

Keep this in mind as you break out the old horror films for Halloween and judge single people as having "too high of standards" or being "too self-absorbed" to succeed in a relationship.

Most of us are just too busy climbing our personal success ladder to stop and scoop up a deadweight liability relationship along the way. We are happy keeping to ourselves and will only join forces with the right match, at the right time. We are used to practicing discipline and patience as we work steadily towards our goals and relationships are no different to us. We believe that good things come to those who wait, and we are not going to go out of our way to force improper timing, whether it be a relationship, a business transaction or a career move.

Please feel free to share your thoughts on this one :).

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